Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
