Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
