my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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