i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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