just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
