Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
