remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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