i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
