oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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