I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize