I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
