Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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