we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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