Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
