last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
