just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
