Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize