just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
