saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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