Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
