I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
