Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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