white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
