Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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