Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Dicks are not precious.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
