I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
