Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
