3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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