well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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