mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
