i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
