Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
