In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
