Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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