Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
