my mouth tastes like poor choices
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
