Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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