i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
