im six kinds of drunk right now
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My breasts were aching with rage.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
