There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
