remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
