Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize