I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
