seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
