I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize