Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
A+ Viking dick
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
