i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
