i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
