How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
