Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
