I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
