he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize