It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
