even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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