dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
