wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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