I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
