I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
