I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
