i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
