so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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