My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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