So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
His hands were made for my vagina.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
