I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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