Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
