My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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