your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
