Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
