i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
